Monday, February 15, 2010

15-16.02.10 Being in Stillness

15.02.10 Yoga Time: 20 mins
Today I took my crutches on the train to work. That meant that it took me quite a while to crutch to and from the train stops. I talked to my doctor on the train ride home from work and he told me about the fracture he saw on my bone scan. I really didn't want to hear what he said next, but he said the dreaded "no weight on your foot for 4 weeks... at least." I was feeling pretty upset as I tried to get home, and the 10-15 minute walk home from the station took me 45 on crutches. I was frustrated and very out of sorts when I got home. My foot hurt from being used too much and from all the traveling I had done. So I decided to try being still.

I set my timer for 20 minutes and laid in an open savasana, with the soles of my feet together. I tried to focus my mind, find my breath, and continually direct my thoughts back to being present. It was hard. It was really hard. My brain kept thinking about the coming weeks, and how I was going to have to modify everything I do in my life and how I do it. But, somehow I was able to keep coming back to my breath. At times the 20 minutes seemed to be dragging on, but I knew that it was important that I keep trying. Feeling that I could accomplish something was important to me at this point. I re-directed my focus again and again.

While the 20 minutes was a virtual eternity for the state of mind I was in, there were small seconds of peace that I could identify: when I felt my hips relaxing to the floor, as my back and shoulders released some tension, and a few moments of quieted thoughts that occured when I reconnected to my breath.

This certainly wasn't one of my traditional practices, but I knew that my body (read: foot) needed the rest and reconnection. I won't lie and say that I felt amazing when I was finished with the practice. But I did feel better than I had on the 45 minute walk home.

16.02.10 Yoga Time: 30 mins
I started this morning with some super gentle yoga. I hate gentle yoga. But I tried to start with where I was yesterday and not push my body/foot past its limit. I started on the floor as I had yesterday, and spent several minutes connecting and centering. I then slowly moved into some gentle things that wouldn't aggravate my foot: seated forward bends, seperate leg stretching (seated and reclined), some twisting... I tried to only move into poses that wouldn't put any weight on my foot at all--not even a little.

Like yesterday, it was a struggle to keep my mind trained on my body and my breath. The hardest part was to keep telling myself that I shouldn't do things that put weight on my foot. I know myself, and I know that I'll push my foot more than I should. So this morning I tried not to. I thought that if I could focus myself to spend this time in a more still place, then maybe I could make it through the rest of the morning without being so focused on the next several weeks of healing.

So I made it through half an hour of gentleness, and came out of it feeling soothed and refreshed. It's possible that I could make it through the entire morning... and maybe even through the weeks of recovery.


  1. Boo to bad feet. But what a perfect opportunity to set some new goals and learn new things about yourself. And good for you for sitting for the entire 20 minutes. I would probably have gotten up after being frustrated that I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the exercise. But sometimes that's not what it's about. There is a lot to be said for setting personal goals - and reaching them. And I think meeting the little ones and not selling yourself short gives you the discipline and insight to reach the big ones.

  2. btw, your australian dates are confusing the heck out of me

  3. hey PSG. you're totally right and totally smart. sometimes it is so hard to not sell yourself short. i'm practicing getting better at that. love to you.