why does this reason piss me off more than any other reason i've ever heard in my life? i'm so glad you asked. BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE MY BODY. the last thing i need is someone else telling me they don't like something about it.
when i was thinking about this a little more today, i thought "i don't think anyone i've dated or been friends with has ever judged my body." i mean i have, for sure. but i had to scan each person in my life until i finally remembered one other: a guy i was casually hooking up with about 4 years ago, who was 21 and very buff (and on steroids), told me after sex one day "you know, you could stand to do a few squats."
i responded "i'm 32; this is the best it's gonna get, honey."
and then i proceeded to never again have sex with him. but i did start doing a lot more squats.
why? because i was still very intertwined with my bulimia. i had just run a marathon; i was nearly the skinniest i've ever been. i was teaching tons of fitness classes; i was well toned. there was no reason i should have felt bad about my body, but of course i did. and hearing it confirmed from someone i had just had sex with tore at my ego.
|"i'm just gonna shake."|
no one gets to judge my body: no one gets to say i'm too fat. no one gets to say i'm too thin. no one gets to say i need to do a few more squats.
re: that one minute call last week: i don't think i'm maddest about the judgment received or the self-judgement inflicted afterwards; it was that i didn't stick up for the years of work i've done.
i respect each person's unique fetishes and attractions. i respect each person's decision to date who they want.
but i really respect myself, and my body. and so, my gift to myself today, on my 8th wedding anniversary (if i still do that type of thing), is to come to my own defense.