Tuesday, March 2, 2010

02.03.10 Finding some softness

Yoga time: 20 mins

Today I felt sorry for myself. I felt unable to do things since both my foot and the car are broken. I tried to shake myself out of it several times, without success. So when I started my yoga practice today, I tried to start from a place of gratitude. I tried to focus on all the things I had that I was thankful for. This was very hard for me to do today. When I struggled with this exercise, I began to get frustrated. But then, instead of being angry that I couldn't be grateful, I tried to find some softness for myself. I said "I will be kind to myself."

As I moved through my practice, I had to repeat that phrase several times. I moved into poses where I could "hug" myself and I repeated the phrase. I didn't do anything challenging or strenuous. I repeated my mantra and focused on my breathing.

As I laid in savasana at the end of my practice, I found myself wondering whether I could keep the kindness up for the rest of the evening. I was already anxious about what would happen once I stopped repeating the phrase.

And so for the rest of the evening, I decided to be present. When I feel myself drifting toward unease or sad/sorry feelings, I have repeated my mantra and stayed in the moment. Thinking toward the many weeks of crutching to come is not what I need to focus on now. So tonight, I'm thankful that I can find some softness inside and say "I will be kind to myself."

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