Yoga Time: 50 mins
Assisting Time: 1.5 hours
Today was so hot outside. My car overheated and stopped a few blocks from home. Since I'm still on crutches, those few blocks may as well have been a few miles. I waited for help to arrive and finally made it home a couple of hours later. Thankfully I was on my way home from assisting the yoga class, so I was calm enough to sit in the hot, hot car and wait. My sister called from abroad while I was waiting, so that also made me feel good.
When I finally arrived home, I was hot. Very hot. I had something cool to drink and sat down and did some reading I needed to catch up on. Once my core temperature was down a little, I decided to make the best of the heat. I was intending to have a day off from yoga today, but the chance was too good to pass up. I warmed up my body and focused on stretching poses that would benefit from the heat. Instead of sweating on the couch, thinking about the air conditioned places I could go if my car was working, or the cool waters of the pool or ocean so nearby, I was loving the heat, watching my head creep further down my legs toward my toes and my legs stretching away from each other and closer to the floor.
Often it's hard to think about the positives of something that is making us miserable in the moment. Often a negative situation is a positive one in disguise; sometimes it's harder to find the potential positive aspects of the situation, though. My challenge to myself is to apply this to my life at least once more this next week. When something seems absolutely terrible, I'm going to turn it around. Let's hope it isn't too hard.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
26.02.10 Anticipating the Unexpected
Yoga time: 40 mins
Today I woke up feeling very sick, and so I didn't go in to the office, but worked from home. I slept a few extra hours until my head felt a little less like a nail's head. I had some fruit and tried to soothe myself. I thought about trying to do yoga later in the afternoon, but decided to do it first thing after my late breakfast, hoping to balance my body a little. I tried to keep the practice calm, but balanced with enough energy to wake my body up and get some fresh oxygen into my blood and throughout my body. I didn't know if this would make me feel better or worse, but I knew something would happen. I wasn't hopeful that I would feel recovered, but I still felt so bad that I knew it couldn't really hurt.
Once I had finished my practice, I did feel a little better, meaning I didn't go back to bed. But I didn't do much else, either. I took the day off from cardiovascular exercise, which was a big deal for me. Since I was sick, I treated myself with some extra softness. I took care not to do more than I could handle.
Reflecting back on the practice and my responses to the day, I'm surprised and yet not surprised. I'm surprised by how I was able to stay focused on my practice when I wasn't feeling well. I'm surprised by how I did feel a little better after the practice. I'm surprised by how I was able to be kind to myself. However, I'm not surprised at all the surprises. I'm on the lookout for the unexpected, and greeting it with an open mind.
Today I woke up feeling very sick, and so I didn't go in to the office, but worked from home. I slept a few extra hours until my head felt a little less like a nail's head. I had some fruit and tried to soothe myself. I thought about trying to do yoga later in the afternoon, but decided to do it first thing after my late breakfast, hoping to balance my body a little. I tried to keep the practice calm, but balanced with enough energy to wake my body up and get some fresh oxygen into my blood and throughout my body. I didn't know if this would make me feel better or worse, but I knew something would happen. I wasn't hopeful that I would feel recovered, but I still felt so bad that I knew it couldn't really hurt.
Once I had finished my practice, I did feel a little better, meaning I didn't go back to bed. But I didn't do much else, either. I took the day off from cardiovascular exercise, which was a big deal for me. Since I was sick, I treated myself with some extra softness. I took care not to do more than I could handle.
Reflecting back on the practice and my responses to the day, I'm surprised and yet not surprised. I'm surprised by how I was able to stay focused on my practice when I wasn't feeling well. I'm surprised by how I did feel a little better after the practice. I'm surprised by how I was able to be kind to myself. However, I'm not surprised at all the surprises. I'm on the lookout for the unexpected, and greeting it with an open mind.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
23-25.02.10 Without Internet, but not without
Yoga time: 20 min; 30 min; 20 min
I was without internet for 2 days while doing some work for the university in a rural town. BUT, I did find time to fit in my yoga each day. So even though I couldn't blog about it at the time, I'm summarizing the past few days' experiences here.
Even though I was doing work while in whoop-whoop (for those of you in the States, that's Australian slang for "the middle of nowhere"), I wasn't able to spend time with my partner, and I couldn't do some of the things I'm used to doing at home, I had some of the lowest stress I've had in weeks. Being in wide open spaces just felt good to my body. People moved a little slower and everything was easy to get to and to access. Don't get me wrong, I also hated the food options available and missed having the internet. But, something slowed down in me while I was there, too.
I had packed days; I was trying to get things completed that needed to be done while there, but I made sure to do some yoga each day. I had a big space in the room they provided me with, so I didn't feel restricted in any way. I did a lot of the same asanas I've been doing over the past couple of weeks--focusing on things that my foot will do without pushing it. However, I did feel a little more energetic in my yoga while there. I was thinking that it could be attributed to all of the fresh air, or to simply being in a new space. It could also be all of the adolescents I was interacting with while there--maybe their youthfulness seeped into my practice.
As I write this and reflect back on the short practices I was able to cultivate, though, I find myself thinking about two other alternatives for the energy I found: 1) Without distractions (people in my home, internet, snacks, friends nearby, other social options), I was able to recognize how lucky I am to have those things in my life. Even though I missed a lot of things, I knew I was going back to them. And I felt lucky to think of all the things I have in my everyday life. That sense of joy felt pretty substantial in my mind and body, and it may have been expressed through my yoga. 2) I think I'm finally gathering, collecting, and storing energy for use: beginning in my foot and healing cracked bones and cracked nerves throughout my body. Maybe that healing lifeforce was responsible for the energetic practices.
It isn't really about the causal factors though; it's about the journey of the practice. That journey has been energetic over the past few days, and I'm able to recognize that and be grateful.
I was without internet for 2 days while doing some work for the university in a rural town. BUT, I did find time to fit in my yoga each day. So even though I couldn't blog about it at the time, I'm summarizing the past few days' experiences here.
Even though I was doing work while in whoop-whoop (for those of you in the States, that's Australian slang for "the middle of nowhere"), I wasn't able to spend time with my partner, and I couldn't do some of the things I'm used to doing at home, I had some of the lowest stress I've had in weeks. Being in wide open spaces just felt good to my body. People moved a little slower and everything was easy to get to and to access. Don't get me wrong, I also hated the food options available and missed having the internet. But, something slowed down in me while I was there, too.
I had packed days; I was trying to get things completed that needed to be done while there, but I made sure to do some yoga each day. I had a big space in the room they provided me with, so I didn't feel restricted in any way. I did a lot of the same asanas I've been doing over the past couple of weeks--focusing on things that my foot will do without pushing it. However, I did feel a little more energetic in my yoga while there. I was thinking that it could be attributed to all of the fresh air, or to simply being in a new space. It could also be all of the adolescents I was interacting with while there--maybe their youthfulness seeped into my practice.
As I write this and reflect back on the short practices I was able to cultivate, though, I find myself thinking about two other alternatives for the energy I found: 1) Without distractions (people in my home, internet, snacks, friends nearby, other social options), I was able to recognize how lucky I am to have those things in my life. Even though I missed a lot of things, I knew I was going back to them. And I felt lucky to think of all the things I have in my everyday life. That sense of joy felt pretty substantial in my mind and body, and it may have been expressed through my yoga. 2) I think I'm finally gathering, collecting, and storing energy for use: beginning in my foot and healing cracked bones and cracked nerves throughout my body. Maybe that healing lifeforce was responsible for the energetic practices.
It isn't really about the causal factors though; it's about the journey of the practice. That journey has been energetic over the past few days, and I'm able to recognize that and be grateful.
Monday, February 22, 2010
22.02.10 Lengthening
Yoga Time: 25 mins
My legs are shrinking! There's no other explanation for the pain, soreness, and tightness in my leg muscles! Well, I suppose the hobbling around on crutches could explain it, but the shrinking explanation is more fun. My injury is causing more injuries (or pain, at least), but I'm on the lookout. Since my legs were feeling so bad, I decided to try every stretching pose I could manage (without standing, of course). I spent 25 minutes doing that, with a backbend and an inversion thrown in at the end.
My body felt back-to-normal by the end (except for my foot). I lay on the floor, and as I was thinking about the bodily adjustment I had just completed, and the reason for the need for the adjustment, I found my mind wandering to all the people that have been so helpful over the past two weeks. People have been holding doors, offering to carry things, and have been genuinely interested in my recovery. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming, but all of the good fortune that I've experienced throughout this difficult time is amazing.
My legs are shrinking! There's no other explanation for the pain, soreness, and tightness in my leg muscles! Well, I suppose the hobbling around on crutches could explain it, but the shrinking explanation is more fun. My injury is causing more injuries (or pain, at least), but I'm on the lookout. Since my legs were feeling so bad, I decided to try every stretching pose I could manage (without standing, of course). I spent 25 minutes doing that, with a backbend and an inversion thrown in at the end.
My body felt back-to-normal by the end (except for my foot). I lay on the floor, and as I was thinking about the bodily adjustment I had just completed, and the reason for the need for the adjustment, I found my mind wandering to all the people that have been so helpful over the past two weeks. People have been holding doors, offering to carry things, and have been genuinely interested in my recovery. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming, but all of the good fortune that I've experienced throughout this difficult time is amazing.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
20-21.02.10 Exercises
20.02.10 Assisting Time: 1.5 hr; personal practice day off
Today I took the day off from yoga, as I've been doing on Saturdays, and I took most of the day off from cardio. I sat on a stationary bike for 30 minutes, but it wasn't very vigorous. It was more of an exercise in killing time than cardiovascular exercise. I thought I'd assist Martine's yoga class and see how I felt afterward. I had brought a swimsuit with me so that if I felt like I needed to, I could go swimming on the way home. But after class, I noticed that I felt tired. I've been sleeping enough for the past week, but my body felt physically tired. I think it is all the hobbling, crutching, and healing that my body has been doing this week.
I decided to listen to my body: something I've been getting a little better at over the past few months. I went home and had lunch, did some work on a journal article for several hours, and then invented a recipe for dinner. I found myself being creative and productive. I was really proud of all that I accomplished. If I had gone swimming, I wouldn't have had as much time for those things, and I would've been more tired and wouldn't have been able to get much done in the time I did dedicate to working. An exercise in listening to my body: lesson learned.
21.02.10 Assisting Time: 1 hr; meditation time: 30 mins
Today I was feeling unsure for the first half of my assisting time. Martine was moving through poses rather quickly, breathing in and out of things, leaving little time for me to correct people in their poses. She always moves a lot at the beginning of class, but I felt a little overwhelmed in this large room packed with people. I tried to keep an eye out for people who looked like they were having trouble or who were new to class. Everyone looked fairly comfortable and fairly correct, and I was a slow mover on my hobbling foot, so I felt awkward trying to quietly and gracefully move around them as they were practicing. So I observed for a little while. Then, as she started to slow down, I felt more comfortable moving around the room and providing tweaks and assistance. I was able to provide assistance to about half the room (Martine got the other half), and I felt really confident about all of the assists that I made. I talked to Martine afterward about how to manage such a large room when moving through vinyasa. She suggested walking up and down the aisle and providing little assists here and there while looking for beginners to work with a little more. I'll try that next week.
After the class, I participated in the guided meditation. I really enjoyed practicing a guided meditation without leading it myself. I've done meditations on my own, but sometimes I get anxious in them, wondering how long it's been since I started, or my mind wanders to think about what the next part of the meditation is. It was really nice to participate in one without expectations and without having to focus on anything but the meditation. I thought Martine would provide more direction, but she only focused me on my breath. I kept my focus there the entire time, and the half hour seemed to fly by. I didn't experience any breakthroughs, but I did feel relaxed and ready (for whatever) at the end.
Today I took the day off from yoga, as I've been doing on Saturdays, and I took most of the day off from cardio. I sat on a stationary bike for 30 minutes, but it wasn't very vigorous. It was more of an exercise in killing time than cardiovascular exercise. I thought I'd assist Martine's yoga class and see how I felt afterward. I had brought a swimsuit with me so that if I felt like I needed to, I could go swimming on the way home. But after class, I noticed that I felt tired. I've been sleeping enough for the past week, but my body felt physically tired. I think it is all the hobbling, crutching, and healing that my body has been doing this week.
I decided to listen to my body: something I've been getting a little better at over the past few months. I went home and had lunch, did some work on a journal article for several hours, and then invented a recipe for dinner. I found myself being creative and productive. I was really proud of all that I accomplished. If I had gone swimming, I wouldn't have had as much time for those things, and I would've been more tired and wouldn't have been able to get much done in the time I did dedicate to working. An exercise in listening to my body: lesson learned.
21.02.10 Assisting Time: 1 hr; meditation time: 30 mins
Today I was feeling unsure for the first half of my assisting time. Martine was moving through poses rather quickly, breathing in and out of things, leaving little time for me to correct people in their poses. She always moves a lot at the beginning of class, but I felt a little overwhelmed in this large room packed with people. I tried to keep an eye out for people who looked like they were having trouble or who were new to class. Everyone looked fairly comfortable and fairly correct, and I was a slow mover on my hobbling foot, so I felt awkward trying to quietly and gracefully move around them as they were practicing. So I observed for a little while. Then, as she started to slow down, I felt more comfortable moving around the room and providing tweaks and assistance. I was able to provide assistance to about half the room (Martine got the other half), and I felt really confident about all of the assists that I made. I talked to Martine afterward about how to manage such a large room when moving through vinyasa. She suggested walking up and down the aisle and providing little assists here and there while looking for beginners to work with a little more. I'll try that next week.
After the class, I participated in the guided meditation. I really enjoyed practicing a guided meditation without leading it myself. I've done meditations on my own, but sometimes I get anxious in them, wondering how long it's been since I started, or my mind wanders to think about what the next part of the meditation is. It was really nice to participate in one without expectations and without having to focus on anything but the meditation. I thought Martine would provide more direction, but she only focused me on my breath. I kept my focus there the entire time, and the half hour seemed to fly by. I didn't experience any breakthroughs, but I did feel relaxed and ready (for whatever) at the end.
Friday, February 19, 2010
19.02.10 Working Through
Yoga Time: 20 mins; Teaching Time: 1 hr
I spent my 20 minutes today focusing on what I could teach today. My foot was sore, but I couldn't find a cover, so I had to think about what I could teach that wouldn't hurt my foot. So I spent my 20 personal practice time prepping instead of focusing on me. And, since my foot was sore, I was especially frustrated with things today. That meant I should've really taken time out of my work schedule to focus on me, but I didn't. Therefore, I went into teaching feeling pretty upset.
The class that I taught went really well, thanks (in part) to the prep. I was able to focus on the participants' needs. I taught what I could from the front of the room, and walked around doing corrections when I couldn't do something. I helped students into poses and challenged them to try some new things. I had a few students talk to me after class, ask me questions, and thank me for the class. Once everyone left, I sat down and reflected for a few minutes. Even though the class wasn't for me, I found that I had finally found my peace for the day--through teaching and assisting others.
I know I enjoy teaching... that's why I do it. But finding that I could get some peace through the process, especially when I really needed it, was good to learn. And I think that it is a good life lesson also: sometimes it seems that nothing can make us feel better, but we keep seeking something. Perhaps all we need to do is to find a way to give something back to someone else.
I spent my 20 minutes today focusing on what I could teach today. My foot was sore, but I couldn't find a cover, so I had to think about what I could teach that wouldn't hurt my foot. So I spent my 20 personal practice time prepping instead of focusing on me. And, since my foot was sore, I was especially frustrated with things today. That meant I should've really taken time out of my work schedule to focus on me, but I didn't. Therefore, I went into teaching feeling pretty upset.
The class that I taught went really well, thanks (in part) to the prep. I was able to focus on the participants' needs. I taught what I could from the front of the room, and walked around doing corrections when I couldn't do something. I helped students into poses and challenged them to try some new things. I had a few students talk to me after class, ask me questions, and thank me for the class. Once everyone left, I sat down and reflected for a few minutes. Even though the class wasn't for me, I found that I had finally found my peace for the day--through teaching and assisting others.
I know I enjoy teaching... that's why I do it. But finding that I could get some peace through the process, especially when I really needed it, was good to learn. And I think that it is a good life lesson also: sometimes it seems that nothing can make us feel better, but we keep seeking something. Perhaps all we need to do is to find a way to give something back to someone else.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
17-18.02.10 Mind in Body
17.02.10 Yoga Time: 20 mins; Meditating
Today I was feeling tired and my foot was feeling sore. So I decided to try 20 minutes of meditating. I wanted to experiment with my ability to sit still and connect without physically using my body. I went to the meditation exercise that I had used with a class I taught a few weeks ago. I tried dropping the question "what is stillness?" into the center of my body. I tried to feel stillness inside, and determine what it felt like. Only, instead of feeling stillness, I felt intense action. I could "feel" mitochondria playing their role as the powerhouse of the cell; I could "feel" oxygen oxygenating cells; I could "feel" t-cells attacking any invaders of my immune system... and whatever else is currently happening in my body. All I could imagine was the amazing processes that were running all on their own, all over the inside of my body. I felt so electrified as the power and energy in my body made itself known to me. Then I focused on my energy emanating from my body, and how the power was radiating into the world around me. I felt the air leaving my nostrils, imagined the water evaporating from my skin, imagined old cells flaking themselves from my body... all becoming energy around me.
When I finished meditating, I felt excited. I felt connected to the world. And I felt proud of myself for meditating 20 minutes.
18.02.10 Yoga Time: 30 mins; Connecting
This morning I had an important meeting at 10am. So I got up early and spent half an hour playing at some yoga before I showered. But, since I was nervous about the meeting, I decided to use the yoga time to center myself. So throughout each pose, and between each pose, I tried to focus my mind inside my body. I tried to continually think about "me" inside me. I tried to continually center that me inside myself to find a balanced place to start my day from. I wasn't as focused on what I was doing physically, how far I was going into poses, or what poses followed each other. Rather, I kept my focus on what I was feeling, and how I could orient that feeling inside my body.
I enjoyed the 30 minutes and it passed quickly... and then my meeting went amazingly well! I was calm and focused throughout it, and was able to answer questions and be on-target with all of the things we had to discuss. I like to give credit where credit is due, so I'll say "Namaste" to myself, for sticking with my daily practice and incorporating it so well into my day, and to Martine, my favorite mentor, for her fantastic encouragement and recommendations. xo
Today I was feeling tired and my foot was feeling sore. So I decided to try 20 minutes of meditating. I wanted to experiment with my ability to sit still and connect without physically using my body. I went to the meditation exercise that I had used with a class I taught a few weeks ago. I tried dropping the question "what is stillness?" into the center of my body. I tried to feel stillness inside, and determine what it felt like. Only, instead of feeling stillness, I felt intense action. I could "feel" mitochondria playing their role as the powerhouse of the cell; I could "feel" oxygen oxygenating cells; I could "feel" t-cells attacking any invaders of my immune system... and whatever else is currently happening in my body. All I could imagine was the amazing processes that were running all on their own, all over the inside of my body. I felt so electrified as the power and energy in my body made itself known to me. Then I focused on my energy emanating from my body, and how the power was radiating into the world around me. I felt the air leaving my nostrils, imagined the water evaporating from my skin, imagined old cells flaking themselves from my body... all becoming energy around me.
When I finished meditating, I felt excited. I felt connected to the world. And I felt proud of myself for meditating 20 minutes.
18.02.10 Yoga Time: 30 mins; Connecting
This morning I had an important meeting at 10am. So I got up early and spent half an hour playing at some yoga before I showered. But, since I was nervous about the meeting, I decided to use the yoga time to center myself. So throughout each pose, and between each pose, I tried to focus my mind inside my body. I tried to continually think about "me" inside me. I tried to continually center that me inside myself to find a balanced place to start my day from. I wasn't as focused on what I was doing physically, how far I was going into poses, or what poses followed each other. Rather, I kept my focus on what I was feeling, and how I could orient that feeling inside my body.
I enjoyed the 30 minutes and it passed quickly... and then my meeting went amazingly well! I was calm and focused throughout it, and was able to answer questions and be on-target with all of the things we had to discuss. I like to give credit where credit is due, so I'll say "Namaste" to myself, for sticking with my daily practice and incorporating it so well into my day, and to Martine, my favorite mentor, for her fantastic encouragement and recommendations. xo
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