Monday, October 6, 2014

things are just things

my life seems to be all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows at times. and i guess i am pretty lucky. but i had a hard week last week: friends going through traumatic things, my mother is quite ill, and i was just a bit wrung out from offering love and support back out to the world. so much so that wednesday night when a casual friend asked me how i was doing, i started sobbing. and in art therapy thursday night the only way i could describe my emotional state was this: "my soul feels dehydrated."

i tried to quench the inner thirst through a yoga jam friday evening and by planning catch-ups with friends and a play date with my favorite four-year-old for the long weekend. half way through the long weekend, i was starting to feel a bit more 3D: things were sunny and happy, and i had lots of fun things planned for the rest of the weekend.

and then my friend's car was broken into. while parked behind my house. the back window was smashed and a lot of valuable items were taken.

ok. go ahead. get all the "you live in redfern" jokes out of the way. and then i'll try to refrain from telling you how safe redfern actually is and how i have friends who have had things stolen in every corner of sydney.

so after photoing the car and filing the police reports (yes, i totes snapchatted the forensics guy dusting for prints), i went about the rest of my day. rushing off to a friend's and then getting to the yoga class i had to teach. i was sad for my friend's losses, but i thought i was fine. i was feeling guilty about the robbery happening while he was parked at my house, but i told myself over and over "this is not my fault."

and then, while teaching yoga, i referenced the break-in and started crying.

it wasn't about the stuff. my friend didn't seem that upset about the things either. material items aren't what we're all about. and they aren't what really matter. so what was tugging at my heart?

i couldn't verbalize it at the time, but i think it was mostly about feeling violated. of being afraid to believe that the world isn't always a beautiful place. of realizing that karma doesn't mean everyone is always going to be nice to us. of remembering how unfair things can be.

pic stolen from here
i talked to my friend lisa about this, and she told me about how she had felt that way after her car had been broken into once (not in redfern). she also told me that she quickly returned to feeling "normal" afterward. i grabbed on to that bit of information.

maybe the world isn't perfect. but the more i thought about it today, i realized that my life-view hadn't actually shifted. i have a lot of magic in my life: just this afternoon adi and i practiced being mermaids at the pool. how can you beat that?

things are just things.
not everyone is a unicorn.
but i still believe in miracles.


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