Monday, February 17, 2014
inner light bright
the meditation of the day (in gabby's may cause miracles book) today was: "i am not my body; i am free." there was also some additional text suggesting to think of the inner-self, the spirit, the energy that resides inside, as light. so all day today, i thought of myself as light. instead of an academic going to work, i was light. instead of a commuter on the train, i was light. instead of a girl running with her friend, i was light. instead of a teacher offering yoga musings, i was light. instead of a body with a spirit inside, i was light.
the crazy part is that this worked. some of the near-constant body talk cycles in my head began to shift. i began to feel less anxious about my body; i stopped being overly critical; i even stopped judging other people's bodies.
and then this afternoon, an unsavory character made a rather lewd statement that i'm sure he interpreted as a compliment. not only was the comment rude, but it had the multiplied effect of crashing me back into my body, of disrupting the bright light i was channeling. i don't think i have ever been so angry at a complete stranger.
but, it was also another chance to practice my mantra for the day. so i went back to it. and i redoubled my efforts to believe it.
then, when teaching yoga class tonight, i offered this lesson back to my students. i instructed them to visualize their inner lights as the only form in the class for the evening. i languaged the class with inner cues: about softening, lengthening, finding space... but mostly about brightening that inner light. i gave up on form a little so that we could find true function.
the meditation i led at the end instructed them to go back to the beginning image, to inhale it brighter, and to exhale it expanding. the class really responded to the theme and teaching tonight, and i felt pretty damn bright as i left the yoga room.
so, i get home, have dinner, take a bath, and finally have a chance to do my own evening reflection. i open up may cause miracles (well, i wake up my kindle to may cause miracles) and look for this evening's instruction. guess what it was?
the exact imagery and instructions that i had led my yoga class in only a couple of hours before.
ummm. that's weird. i mean it's not out of the realm of possibilities entirely, but it kind of seems like a little miracle. as if i brightened my light enough to be more connected to the world, to be just a little more conscious, and to be able to anticipate and expect things that are possible from the world around me. look, i'm not saying i have a crystal ball here. but... still.
a course in miracles says "inside each of us is a spark of light. as we become aware of the light, it grows bigger and stronger." and i'm thinking that the bigger and stronger it gets, the more it connects to all the light around us. and that is enough of a miracle for me. because that is pretty fucking beautiful.