Wednesday, April 2, 2014


"that exact same thing happened to me!"

...well, maybe not the exact-exact same thing. but pretty freaking close.

there is little more thrilling than finding out you had a similar life experience as someone else. it provides that feeling of connection, of intimacy, and of understanding.

but what i really love about these commonalities with others in our lives is that there are millions that we don't even know exist. and millions of similar situations with all the other millions of people in the world that we don't even know.

last night i met someone who had a strikingly similar marriage/divorce/love/loss progression as i have had over the past year and a half. you know all those times when i felt terribly alone over the past 18 months? guess what--someone else did too.

i guess the real struggle is in remembering that someone else has been through what i've been through when i'm IN IT. when i'm really in it, and i can't see a way out. when i can't understand why i feel that way. when i can't believe anyone else in the world could have possibly had to deal with what i've had to deal with. when i can't believe anyone else could have ever felt as miserable as i am feeling at that time. that's when i need to remember: yeah--same same. someone else has done this. and that someone else is now shining on the other side.

yesterday afternoon i used some inspiration from yoga in teaching my cycling class. over the nine self-directed intervals sprinkled through the class, i used some imagery about 1) visualizing a dream; 2) seeing that dream as already achieved; 3) seeing through the eyes of someone who has already accomplished that dream as inspiration; and 4) internalizing those feelings of success and happiness that come with the realization of that dream.

for some reason it is easy for me to say "yeah, see through that person's eyes!" when i'm thinking of a dream. but to remember to think of that when i'm stuck is really difficult. and when i'm stuck, i can get really stuck.

but over the past couple of months, i’ve also been re-learning to depend on my friends; to ask for help when i need it. last week was an emotional tilt-a-whirl with my grandmother’s passing and her funeral being held on the other side of the world. but when i was feeling super vulnerable, my yoga teacher shared with me his similar pains. he used the yoga class community to support me in my grieving as well. i also spent hours on the phone with my bestie KR last week, allowing her to be there for me when i felt broken.

i know people have experienced things i’ve experienced. i know they have had these feelings. i know they have felt stuck. i know i’m not alone.

earlier today i started to feel some stuck feelings. nothing major, just a few thoughts trying to needle their way into my psyche. but then i sat down to work on this blog a little. to arrest them. to look through the eyes of someone who has beaten an eating disorder; who eats lunch whether or not they’ve gone for a run that morning; who doesn’t eat only at a certain time on the clock face, but when they’re hungry; who is at peace in their temple of a body. that person is part of my future.

i’m super grateful to my ever-present and ever-supportive friends and family. and to all of the people that have been through the shit i’m going through: i’m stealing your present as my continual inspiration.

we’re all the same person anyway.

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