teaching the world

in this new year, i'm renewing my commitment to my relationship to myself: renewing the commitment to keep working on it and allowing it to blossom.

i usually find the beginning of a new year a little daunting. i hate making resolutions; i hate putting additional pressures and rules on my life. i just want today to be another day.

but it isn't just another day. it's another year.

this morning i was feeling a little depressed, a little crazy, and a little negative toward myself. i was missing one of my friends, i was reflecting on the past year, and i was feeling a little anxious about the new year.

now. let me revise what i just wrote. see all of those "little" statements? they're lies. i was feeling a lot today. a. lot.

this afternoon i managed to get myself onto my mat for an online yogaglo class with elena. it's a class i've done before; one that i often go to when feeling like i was feeling today. what's funny is that it helps me every time. like somehow i forget the lessons from it.

and then i'm reminded.

at the end of this class, elena says "how we relate to ourselves teaches the world how to relate to us." oh. shit. that's totally what i did not do today. i was freaking mean to myself all morning. i was beating myself up all afternoon. is that what i want from the world? is that what i want for my new year? hell. no.

so when i notice self-negativity, i promise myself that i will use my practice to soften and release it. "teach the world how to treat you by how you treat yourself." yeah. i will. #xo2014

newy newness

omigoodness. it's 2012, a new year! how did that happen?!

confession: i'm not one of those amazing environmentalist yogis who repurposes every single thing and only buys what she needs. i reuse, i recycle... but i also buy a lot of clothes, shoes, accessories, you name it. i love new things. new, shiny, shimmery things.

and now it's a new year. hooray! it's new: un-damaged, un-tarnished, and un-dirtied. i can put it on, strut around in it, and make it my own. i love the anticipation of wearing a new dress or a funky new ring. i love seeing how people react to it. i love finding out how the fabric feels and drapes over the course of the night.

and, as much as i love new things, new things can be a bit scary. there are so many unknowns. how will it wear? how will it stand the test of time?

one of the ways we deal with unknowns is to plan and to make alternate arrangements, just in case. in some ways, that is what new year's resolutions are. they help you plan what you'll do in the new year, where you'll go, and how you'll get there.

but let me posit a counterpoint. new year's resolutions are also expectations. and, in yoga, we try to let go of expectations--to just breathe and enjoy the ride.

i'm not saying that resolutions are a bad thing, or that they aren't helpful. but i'm someone that really struggles with letting go of expectations; i like making plans. i live on lists.


and so this year, i'm not making any resolutions. not because i'm perfect, and not because i don't have things to work on. (although, there aren't enough messages telling us how amazing we are, or that we don't need to change to deserve to be happy and loved. maybe i should be writing a manifesto against resolutions!)

the reason i'm not making any resolutions is because i want to just try this year out, and see how it fits. i want to explore this new year as it unfolds. i want to see what happens. i want to enjoy the newness and watch it glimmer.

so no resolutions for me. i'm just going to breathe.