how a learning community gave me the job i wanted

i want to talk about the antiracist teaching collaborative. the antiracist teaching collab (ATC hereafter) was a life-changing experience for me. yes, it helped decolonize me. yes, i learned a lot about antiracist pedagogy. but the most life-altering part of the ATC was the community and the relationships nurtured through it.

the ATC was started because i was mad that there weren't active initiatives at the school to address the crisis of racism in our classrooms. and the community that came together around this topic was there for a purpose: to learn together. it was totally optional, and totally self-run, which meant there was no incentive to join other than wanting to be part of the group. we organized the group so that we took turns leading discussions and we voted on what materials we wanted to learn from together. it was democratic, friendly, and supportive. and the community became fierce: we presented what we were doing at the school and at the larger university. 

it was this connection with my peers that made me finally feel like a valued faculty member at the school. my connection with other faculty had been light before that. i wasn't collaborating on research projects with anyone at the school, and there weren't a lot of opportunities for deep/true engagement with my peers before the ATC. my first five years at the school were spent with many nights searching for other academic positions. however, after the ATC, i can not imagine leaving the school. now i have a community of peers i know, trust, and work well with. 

as a result of the ATC learning community, i also took some new risks in my teaching classrooms. it was because of everything we learned that i trailed many antiracist initiatives, including self-grading. i was so nervous to do it: would someone tell me i couldn't do it? would i get in trouble? would it fail spectacularly? all of these things were possible, but because of the learning community, i felt emboldened to take this risk over something i believed in.

now, i have been using self-grading for several years and believe strongly in all the ways i am creating a more equitable classroom. and i continue to look for ways to nurture my own growth through new/other learning communities after seeing such value from that one (hello pedagogy club!).

when i think about places where opportunities for connection have been missed, i think mostly about certain "meeting communities" i have been in around the school: meetings that are run as "top-down with report backs," without looking for opportunities for connection among the members. in these spaces, i always feel like an outsider. i don't feel like a valued member, but like someone who has come in for an uncomfortable visit. 

i know that i want my classrooms to feel more like the ATC: not a "leader knows best" vibe, but a space we are sharing together for mutual growth. a space where we can take risks because of the support of the community.  

teaching/learning/teaching/learning

the life of a dedicated teacher is cyclical—constantly learning and growing, incorporating that into your teaching, and then doing it again. i remember reading an academic blog about teaching once where they talked about the frustration/joy of finding the perfect way to teach something to a class only to discover that it didn’t work at all with the next cohort of students. but, if you love teaching, this challenge is also part of the fun. 

when i think back to my favorite learning experiences, i think about two big semester long projects evaluating different HIV prevention programs in the local community that i put a lot of work into in undergrad and then felt really proud of (which still sit in binders on my parents' attic bookcase--pls don't remind them or they'll make me go clear them out!). and i also think about creative projects where i got to choose how to apply the project parameters (sometimes to the dismay of my teachers: sorry mrs.byron for the tsunami demo--but it did really show the devastation of a big wave!).

and when i think back to my favorite teaching moments, i first think about co-teaching w my colleague emma in the advanced qual class: it was a class where students really cared and were really interested. and having a partner teacher who was really invested made it feel like i wasn't alone in the process. and the paper we wrote together through that process actually encapsulates some of that in the title: "when it feels like we're in this together." other fav teaching moments include when i am teaching a new thing that i'm really excited about, like different fitness and yoga variations i haven’t taught before (hello deep house yoga!). 

across these favorites, i notice a few themes: 1) opportunities for deep engagement (including the amazing feeling of being challenged and working hard on something, 2) the joy of creativity (options!), and 3) community.  

and so purposefully creating opportunities for all of these in the classroom feels important to me--and the last two of these especially pull ideas from pedagogical theories i really value. for example: trauma-informed teaching teaches the importance of options across the classroom experience. and bell hooks' "teaching community" is one of my favorite pedagogical books (which, perhaps obviously, focuses on creating communities of learning). 

and lastly, i'll add the value of reflections! every time i pause to reflect (especially through writing), there is the opportunity to crystalize my own values and lessons learned. so, here i am, reflecting, feeling gratitude for all the opportunities i have had for learning and teaching and teaching and learning over my life, and reminding myself to continue the process.